I have read quite a bit on consensual living and subscribe to a CL yahoo group. I am definitely inspired by some of the ideas behind it, but do not aspire to be fully consensual. As much as possible I try to allow Pookie to do what she wants to do, as long as she is not going to get hurt or hurt others. When it is practical I try to do things in the way she would like them done, but sometimes I need her to do what I want. For example not put her smelly damp bathing suit on. Before I really prided myself in being able to say something to make the situation OK with Pookie, or find an acceptable alternative. These days, if she doesn't get her way it leads to a temper tantrum. Which always leaves me feeling like I am not being a good parent. Rationally I know that isn't true, but I still feel that way.
I think we definitely need to shift how we interact with Pookie now and let her feel in control as much as we can. I am hoping I figure out this phase relatively quickly!! I am feeling pretty happy with our decision to wait on baby #2.