December 21, 2008

Unconditional Parenting by: Alfie Kohn

I have been reading this book and I am really enjoying it.  It was highly recommended over the  I also bought the DVD as I thought I could get DH to watch it.  It talks a lot about why punishments and rewards/ praise don't work.

In my years teaching ballet I have noticed more and more that giving kids praise or rewards only works in the short term.  If you want to get them to really commit and to work hard for the right reason's it has to come from within and not be externally motivated.  It has been interesting to read this different perspective and to find different ways to be a support loving parent, without constantly praising Pookie.  That said it is HARD not to say "good girl" "good job".  And sometimes it does feel right to give her a high five, but for the most part I try to use other alternatives such as describing.  For example when she uses the potty I usually just say "you went pee pee on the potty".  Lately I have been back sliding but I am trying to get back on track now that Pookie is able to understand most of what we say.

1 comment:

Motherhood for the Weak said...

Yes it is hard to not say good girl and until you read UP you don't realize how damaging that can be. UP really changed how I think about parenting. We also emphasize what the babeola has achieved versus giving it a value judgment of good. We say a lot of 'look what you can do.'

I really like the DVD because you can watch it with your partner and discuss it. Plus it's faster than reading which is a bonus once the baby arrives. The DVD has really eliminated a lot of parenting style conflict and put my husband and I on the same page, which is soooooo nice.