I am scared

Everly has been waking up EVERY NIGHT since August. This was when her 2 year molars started coming in. The last one came through 2 weeks ago and she is still waking up. Granted there have been a couple of better nights but overall I haven't seen an improvement. I should be clear that she has slept-through the night maybe twice ever... and I am fine with that. What I can't handle is her waking up and screaming, and wanting to eat, and watch TV etc.. That is what is scaring me so much.

Two nights ago we were up for 2 hours while she threw a huge violent tantrum because she wanted to watch TV. I just sat there with her in the basement, trying to stay calm, then crying and then finally she calmed down enough she would allow me to nurse and comfort her.

I feel so incredibly alone in this. I have posted several times on MDC about it and mostly get no responses. My husband is totally unhelpful with this kind of thing and in fact just makes me feel more stressed out about it. However in order to keep him calm I feel like I can't show my concerns and fears. I have 18 weeks until my due date!!! If Everly doesn't start sleeping through the night.. or rather staying in bed all night I don't know what I am going to do. I think I could handle it if my husband had his own sound-proof room to stay in, so I didn't have to stress about him feeling stressed.

Since I am mostly a stay at home/ work at home mom I have always felt it should be solely my job to parent Everly at night. Of course there are times my husband will help out but mostly I try to let him sleep so he can function at his job. The problem is even when I am doing it all myself if Everly is screaming no matter where you go in the house it will be heard, so then I am left feeling I am not doing a good enough job.

I just don't understand how she can be so incredibly easy and sweet during the day and then nighttime is HELL!

On the same team

Although we have our fair share of tantrums and difficult days, overall I feel like Everly and I are on the same team. Lately I have really tried to keep this in mind at all times, and it is making things go even more smoothly.

When we are out at our various activities a lot of the time I see parents struggling to get their kids to cooperate. They use yelling, threats and time outs... and each week things don't improve. I often wonder if that would be me if I hadn't come across the Dr. Sears Baby Book, which opened my eyes to attachment parenting and from there to gentle discipline. I have read so many awesome books that have helped fill my parenting tool box, so I feel better able to cope with the difficult times.

Now that Everly is getting closer to the preschool age, discipline tends to come up more in conversations with other moms and I often have a hard time joining in. It seems most people use time outs and/ or punishments. I usually just smile and nod. I am not the type of person to launch into a mini-lecture on why punishments & rewards don't work, or what my approach is. If someone asks me directly I obviously tell the truth.

So what do I do when Everly does something that might warrant a time out in someone else's house? First of all if she is really mad and out of control I give her time and space to calm down. Adult or child, who is able to absorb information when they are feeling so upset? Once she has calmed down we will talk about the incident. For example if she hit me because she was mad that I wouldn't let her play with sharp scissors, I will first explain that I love her and that I don't want her to get hurt and sharp scissors could hurt her. Let her know I know it made her mad but she can't hit me and that it hurt. Then I will ask her what she could do to make me feel better... and she will almost always apologize and give me a hug. I don't know if this is the perfect GD way of doing things, but it has worked well for us, and at this point Everly will often apologize on her own once she has calmed down.

In terms of other "naughty" things like drawing on the carpet (UGH!). We just point it out and explain that she can't do that because it might not come off etc.. She actually does seem to listen and a lot of the time she won't repeat the "offense". Usually in these situations I am to blame for example I left a marker out when I knew she has been tempted to draw on "unapproved" surfaces.

I feel really positive about how we are dealing with Everly right now and feel like the bond her and I share is extremely strong.

Not So Spirited

Everly has always seemed a bit more alert, energetic and intense then most of the other kids we encounter. At the same time I usually have been able to keep her happy and cooperative while we are out. We have only had 1 bad tantrum (so far) while out in public and it was easily explained (she was tired and hungry).

I had read a lot about the book "Raising Your Spirited Child", on mothering.com and after 2 difficult weeks with Everly at home I went out and bought it. Of course the two days before I got it were good ones... and it seems her last tooth has come in and she is as sweet as can be.

Anyways after reading the first 2 chapters, I was pretty confident Everly is NOT spirited, so I don't think I will read the whole book. There is some great info in it though and I definitely read the chapter on tantrums which reinforced everything that I do. Basically it encouraged you to first of all try to avoid them by knowing your child's triggers. If one occurs you should stay with your child and do what you need to do to help them come out of it. For Everly that means just staying close by until she starts to wind down and then offering hugs and "boo boos". If I try to touch her or talk to her while she is in it, it makes things much worse. It felt good to have my approach reinforced.

The other chapter I enjoyed was on intensity and how to help lower it. Some of the suggestions were play-dough, which we play with often, sensory activities (like water, sand etc.), reading, back scratching etc. I found this all really useful because I do find that Everly is more balanced when we have enough down time each day. It is easy to forget about when you have a kid that is so energetic.

I would definitely recommend this book for anyone who thinks their child might be spirited (more intense, persistent, hard time adapting to change etc.)

Concoctions

Currently there is nothing Everly enjoys doing more then making concoctions. I try to avoid giving her a drink with dinner because inevitably it will end up being the base for "soup". Every chance she gets she is squirting soap or cream into containers.

My approach to this has been to hide away all the soap, cream etc. from her reach so I don't have to say no. I am torn between setting up a table with lots of stuff to concoct, and trying to avoid encouraging this. My thinking is this, concocting is a creative thing and I want to encourage her creativity. She enjoys it and I am sure she is learning about volume, texture etc. while doing it. At the same time I don't want her thinking concocting anything and everything is OK, and I have noticed that if we avoid a certain activity eventually it loses it's allure. I suppose I will lean towards doing some structured mix making for her, and just be really diligent about hiding away things I don't want her messing with.

The video from above was taken one morning. I went upstairs to put my hair in a ponytail and left her playing in the living room. Our kitchen was pretty messy and had lots of inviting things on the counter. So I came down to her making "ice cream" for her best friend Amelia. It was so gross!! Anyways I just asked her about what she was making and then redirected her to another activity. I don't see the sense in getting mad. Everly is a smart cookie but I can't expect her to not get into stuff, when I leave it out. I just have to make a note to self - "clean up kitchen unless you want a bigger mess to clean up!"

Home Birth

When I was pregnant with Everly I did a ton of research on pregnancy and child birth. After all my reading I knew that I wanted an all natural birth with no interventions unless absolutely necessary, and that I would prefer a home birth. Well I go the all natural birth but my husband was really against a home birth. At the time he said it was because we were in a small condo with paper thin walls.

Now we live in a town house with thick walls and lots of space comparatively. My husband is still really apprehensive about a home birth, but in my mind that is what I am having. We are going to go to a home birth seminar at the midwifery clinic, and hopefully that will get him on board.

So why do I want a home birth?

1./ I don't want any pain medicine or other interventions the hospital might have to offer.

2./Labour tends to be quicker. You are at home and comfortable.

3./ I will feel more in control. Last time I basically lost my mind when I got to the hospital and totally lost control on my pain management. Luckily I was only there for 3 hours before Everly was born.

4./ Less exposure to germs

5./ I won't have to endure a painful car ride while in labour, and won't have to wait around until I can pee to go home. Last time it took 3 hours after Everly was born before I could go because I couldn't pee. I was able to pee a little bit and that got me out but when I got home I had no problems.

6./ I can just relax after the birth in my own home.

Hopefully everything goes well and I am able to have a home birth. Everly's labour was really hard but other than the cord being around her neck (which is very common) everything went smoothly.

My Amazing Girl

Everyday I am amazed with what Everly says and does. I wish I could share her accomplishments without coming across as bragging. I want to keep track of her milestones, so here are her most recent ones.

The other day she woke up and informed me that she wanted to "do learning... to learn ABC's mommy". I started to sing them and she got furious and said she wanted to do them by herself. She is getting pretty close to reciting them correctly at this point. I try to point out letters as much as possible and she likes to play starfall as well. It is great because she can fully navigate the site now on her own (well the ABC section).

She now understands what reading is... at least as much as she can. She knows what words are and that I am reading them while we read books. She will point and ask me what they say. She will also sometimes point to a "D" word and ask if it says "Daddy" and same with several other letters ie/ A-Amelia S-Siri obviously E-Everly. When we are out in public she will pointe out E's and say "E for Everly", and be quite happy to see random E's. I am in no rush to teach her to read but since she is interested I will point out words that come up frequently in a book and tell her what they say. Then when we turn the page I will ask her to find that word. She enjoys doing this.

She is also constantly asking "how many is this?". Then she will hold up her fingers and show me some random amount to see if that is how many. She sometimes will count objects up to 3, but when she tries to count objects she usually races ahead. She is starting to count up to 14, but will leave out one or two numbers. She can point to two objects versus, three, and vice versa. Same with one, and I think she is starting to recognize a grouping of 4. I mostly just read number books to her and count objects with her. Sometimes I will group things and get her to pick out a grouping of 2 etc.

I think what is the best about Everly right now is how much she is talking and what a little ham she is becoming. She has said a few times "I make people laugh". She enjoys finding new ways to make her friends and family laugh. She will suddenly cross her eyes on purpose, or make a silly face or say something funny. Sometimes she will just talk and talk and talk about things and she is always saying "remember that mommy"... and will recall things we have done in the past.

I am so interested to see how baby #2 is compared to Everly. I have taught some sisters who are quite similar in what they are good at and their personalities and some that couldn't be more different. The only thing I am PRAYING baby #2 will do differently is be a better sleeper!!! YIKES!!! Everly hasn't slept well in 5 months, since her 2 year molars starting coming through. At least we will be done with that by the time #2 arrives!

It's a Girl!!

Today we found out that we are having another baby girl!! I am over-the-moon. I really wanted a little sister for Everly, and always dreamed of having two girls. Everly has been very adamant that the baby is a girl, and has actually expressed that she does not want it to be a boy.

We had a run in with a boy she did not like at gymnastics, and when I told her the baby might be a boy she said "mommy... remember that boy gymnastics?" OMG! I couldn't believe she would make a connection like that and that playing with that boy would put her off. :P

I am so glad that this baby is due in May like Everly and that I have all the clothes this baby will need for quite some time. All I really want is a couple new infant toys (non-plastic), an ergo and a baby swing. Oh and a couple of matching outfits for Everly and the baby! :P

I am now 20 weeks along and feeling so much better!! I am SEEING our little girl move now which is fun, and I am finally feeling less nervous about the whole thing. I am still waiting to have a real pregnant belly but it is starting to take form. I think come February I will finally really look pregnant... which I love.