I am scared

Everly has been waking up EVERY NIGHT since August. This was when her 2 year molars started coming in. The last one came through 2 weeks ago and she is still waking up. Granted there have been a couple of better nights but overall I haven't seen an improvement. I should be clear that she has slept-through the night maybe twice ever... and I am fine with that. What I can't handle is her waking up and screaming, and wanting to eat, and watch TV etc.. That is what is scaring me so much.

Two nights ago we were up for 2 hours while she threw a huge violent tantrum because she wanted to watch TV. I just sat there with her in the basement, trying to stay calm, then crying and then finally she calmed down enough she would allow me to nurse and comfort her.

I feel so incredibly alone in this. I have posted several times on MDC about it and mostly get no responses. My husband is totally unhelpful with this kind of thing and in fact just makes me feel more stressed out about it. However in order to keep him calm I feel like I can't show my concerns and fears. I have 18 weeks until my due date!!! If Everly doesn't start sleeping through the night.. or rather staying in bed all night I don't know what I am going to do. I think I could handle it if my husband had his own sound-proof room to stay in, so I didn't have to stress about him feeling stressed.

Since I am mostly a stay at home/ work at home mom I have always felt it should be solely my job to parent Everly at night. Of course there are times my husband will help out but mostly I try to let him sleep so he can function at his job. The problem is even when I am doing it all myself if Everly is screaming no matter where you go in the house it will be heard, so then I am left feeling I am not doing a good enough job.

I just don't understand how she can be so incredibly easy and sweet during the day and then nighttime is HELL!

Better Bedtime

A few months ago I was gently working towards weaning Pookie from nursing to sleep. It was going well... then she got sick and we started nursing to sleep again. I thought all our "work" had gone out the window, but she started putting her head on her pillow after nursing a bit and then going to bed.

Then I started telling her to put her head on the pillow when we were done reading & nursing, and she would do it without any fuss. Then one night I had to leave the room after she put her head down. I left planning to go back but it was pretty clear she was fine. Since then I have started leaving her in the room awake. We read/ nurse, turn the lights off and I give her a kiss goodnight and leave. Most of the time she is fine and just goes to sleep.

I am SO pleased with this. It was one of my goals to have her able to fall asleep on her own before baby #2 comes into the picture. At this point that will be a year away at the very earliest, so I am very hopefully that we will reach that goal by then.

Now that said, she has been waking up again 1-1.5 hours after I put her to sleep. She had stopped but is back to doing this. Right now I think it might be partially because she is getting some new teeth. One of my other hopes is that she is mostly sleeping through the night by the time #2 comes along. I can handle one or even 2 night wakings but I would really like to be able to put her to bed and have mom/ dad time without interuptions. Who knows if it will happen? I figure it can't hurt to be optomistic, and to do everything I can to put odds in our favour of it happening.

Phase 2 of sleepweaning

Pooks is so good at going to bed now without nursing I am moving to phase 2.  Now the plan is I tuck her into the twin bed that is against our queen, sing her 2 songs and leave.  I have done it a couple times now, and if she sits up and asks where I am going I just tell her, "mommy is going pee pee".  Which usually is true - I just don't mention coming back or not coming back.  Last night she called for me and I just called in and said I was doing pee pee, and she must of gone back asleep.  I just forsee it being really useful to be able to leave her to fall asleep on her own, once another baby comes into the picture.

Now if I could just have some progress with night-weaning.  Right now I nurse her and try to get her to go back into the little bed for her first two wakenings.  After that she comes in the queen with me and hubby goes into the little bed.  Last night she actually rolled back in those first two times on her own  - although she didn't sleep well until she got into the big bed.  I am hoping the fact that she rolled back in on her own is progress.  I think it will be beneficial to have her sleep in her own bed - even if it is against our.

No more nursing to sleep... well almost

Today my husband calls me into the bedroom to show me what Pookie is doing.  She is sitting with her newest Corolle baby doll, with her arm around it her shirt up (well as up as she could get it, and was reading a book.  This is exactly what we do everynight before bed.  She even had her arm around the doll in the same way.  She loves nursing her babies, and also likes me to do it.  She even makes her little plastic animals nurse from each other.  The pig is a big favourite because it clearly a mommy pig with all its teets. :P

Anyways it has been almost a month and Pooks no longer wants to nurse to sleep at bedtime.  I nurse her for about 30 minutes+ while we read books then when I reach to turn off the lights I unlatch her and we are done.  She snuggles into bed and acts like she will just go to sleep... but usually it takes another 10 minutes.  First I sing to her and then I just lay there with her until she dozes off.   It has made bedtime SO much less stressful.  It was just too hard lying there for so long nursing her and fighting to stay awake.

We have made no progress with nightweaning.  I attempted to get her to sleep in the twin bed, which she does fine until the second time she wakes up at night.  Then it is miserable.  I think we will start her out in there and only try to keep her there on the weekends, and let her slowly get used to it.  She doesn't outright object but the past two nights she has been so restless.

More good news is that she seems to be staying asleep until Jeff and I go to bed.  This is AMAZING!  It is so nice not having to run up to her half way through a TV show. :)

I bought the "No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers" and I am finding it helpful.  Most of the tips I already was aware of but it is motivating to read and I feel like now I can come up with a realistic plan.

5 nights in a row of no "booba"

Everly has now gone 5 nights without nursing to sleep.  Wednesday night she did fuss, and I had to sing her A LOT of songs and nursery rhymes but she never cried.  Thursday I just sang for a couple minutes, and tonight she fell asleep on her way to bed.  She barely napped today and we went swimming which I think really tired her out.

Bedtime is so much better now.  I really like not getting stuck lying beside her forever.  She is still nursing the entire time I read, and I probably read to her for at least 15 minutes.  

I am thinking that next Friday I might try to not nurse her on her first waking of the night.  Whch reminds me she seems to be going back to her more normal sleeping schedule.  Last night I think she woke twice and it wasn't very eventful.  The night before she tossed and turned (a molar came through) but stayed in bed and didn't try to get out.  I think keeping her in the room even when she wanted out the prior nights helped get us back on track.

I feel hopeful that by the time I get pregnant (6+ months from now) she might be nightweaned.  I still love nursing her throughout the day and never feel like I want to stop that.  

Night #2

Our second night started out so well.  Pooks had her bath, we got her ready for bed, and I read her 10 books again.  She was so tired by the time I finished the last book.  Once again I told her that the "booba's were going night night".  She was upset, for maybe 5 seconds.  The she put her head on the pillow and passed out in under 5 minutes!!  I felt so great.

Then she woke up in the middle of the night and would not go back to sleep.  She fussed, then cried, and then tantrumed.   It probably took us an hour to get her to go back to sleep.  DH was good though and told me to stay in the room even though he had to get up for work.  He wanted to hold her while she tantrumed but I told him to let her go.  He left while she let it out by the bedroom door.  It only took maybe 5-10 minutes before she decided to go back in bed.  She tried to fall asleep but just couldn't.  It took so long, she was so restless.  I noticed this morning that her bottom molar is through so perhaps it was making it's way up last night?

I wish DH would go sleep in the basement.  I get so stressed knowing he is stressed about being tired for work.  We actually have a spare room but the noise would carry right into it, so it is pointless for him to sleep there.

I hope tonight goes better.  She still has one more molar left in this set.

First Night a Success

Well I had prepared for the worst last night and it went shockingly well. We did our normal bedtime routine. I read Pookie 10 books, which is more than usual and after each book I reminded her that after we finished reading the "booba's would go to sleep." She kept saying "yeah". When we read the last book I unlatched her and she reached out and made her smacking noises she makes when she wants to nurse. I told her to go get her pillow and she did. She put her head on the pillow and I offered her some water. I turned off the lights and she just lay there. I held my breath.
Then she got a bit restless and I asked if she wanted to cuddle and she said yes. She snuggled up to me and passed out in under 5 minutes!!

Holy smokes that was EASY! She definitely remembered the routine from before when we did this. I think reading her lots of books also helped her unwine. Who knows what tonight will bring... but at least we have one very successful night under our belts.

She woke up at 11:30 and wanted out of bed. SHe didn't want to nurse, she wanted "UP!!!". Jeff was in bed at this point and together we kept her in bed. She settled down when I offered to sing Jingle Bells. I sang until she fell asleep and the rest of the night was uneventful. I felt like she remembered the night before when I wouldn't let her out because while she defintely wanted out she didn't try as hard as before.

Nightweaning Plan

Pookie has been sleeping better this past week.  She has still had her moments but I feel more clear in the head.  For the record we do try to live as consensually as possible but I have come to realize we will never be fully consensual.  It just doesn't feel right to me.  Because I am aware of CL I have found the idea of any type of mother-led weaning hard.  The thing is after much thought I do know what we are doing right now isn't working and is definitely not going to work with another baby.  I want to give Pookie lots or lead time to the changes I would like to make before we have another baby.

I am sure after observing Pooks last night that the reason she is now getting up in the middle of the night is simply because it is fun.  At first it may of been because of her teeth, but now I am very certain she is doing it because she wakes up and wants to go hang out in the basement.  She woke up last night shortly after I put her to bed and threw a fit wanting to go downstairs.  I just had to put my foot down.  I kept the bedroom door shut and was beside her as she tantrumed.  Eventually she mellowed out and came and cuddled with me until finally she fell asleep.  She slept really well.  So part of my new nighttime plan is that if she does wake up we don't leave the room.  If DH doesn't like it he can leave!

Phase one of my nightweaning plan is to go back to not nursing her to sleep, and not nursing her until about 10pm.  After 10pm I will nurse her as much as she likes.  Once that goes smoothly I will extend the time by an hour or two, so we gradually go longer and longer without nursing at night.  I will let her nurse all she wants while we read books, but after that I am going to put a tight shirt on she can't get into.  I will sing to her, rock her, cuddle her as much as she needs.

Tonight will be the first night.  I hope it goes OK!

Why I haven't been posting much

I have been too tired to post. I have been having a real rough time right now with Pookie at night. This is a post I made on MDC.. I am too lazy to rewrite it for my blog.

Two months ago my DD was getting up once or twice to nurse, and many times I could barely remember nursing her as it was so uneventful.Then she started getting 6 teeth at once. Since then it has been horrible. I keep blaming it on the teething but now I am wondering if it is something else. She just has one more tooth to finish coming through and other than the nightwaking it doesn't seem to be bothering her.

Some nights I have been up with her from 1-4am. She cries and cries until I take her down to the basement, and then she will just quietly doing a puzzle, watch TV with me and then fall back asleep eventually. Last night she woke up screaming and would absolutely not stay in our room. So today we have been up since 4am. I work two days a week (today being one of them) and leave at 6am.

In the last week she is also wanting to keep my nipple in her mouth while she sleeps, which has made a back/ shoulder injury I have (from co-sleeping with her), even worse. I am a ballet teacher so it is making teaching very difficult.Last night I thought I was going to lose it. I had all these horrible thoughts and just had no patience left.

We can't keep going like this. I have no energy during the day to be a good mom, my back is getting worse which makes teaching and carrying her harder and harder. Before this all started I had begun trying to get her to stop nursing to sleep (which could be another thread). It was going OK before all this started. I feel angry that perhaps I wouldn't be in this situation if I hadn't chosen to co-sleep. No one I know has these types of problems with their toddlers. Has anyone else been through something like this?

Do you think it really is teething or something else? A year ago I posted about some sleep problems we were having and of couse I go the "this too shall pass"... but it hasn't! It has only gotten worse. Before all this I has hoping to TTC in the spring and now I can't imagine being pregnant in the near future... which makes me really depressed.

Giving up... sort of

The other night I tried to put Pooks down without nursing and it was a disaster.  I ended up nursing her but she was still really upset.  I ended up crying because I just felt so discouraged.  After thinking about it I have decided to take a much slower approach and just encourage less nursing.  She is mostly sleeping in the twin bed now so that is good, in the sense that we all seem to sleep a bit better.  Also when she nurses she always pops off at the end before she has fallen asleep.  I have started nursing her while I am on the queen and she is in the twin.  She has access to my boobs but it isn't the most comfortable.  This seems to work because she seems to give up and roll over sooner.  I am hoping that eventually she will start to not bother with nursing so much, and will be fine with just nursing while we read.

Her last 2 molars that are coming in now and really causing her a lot of pain.  Things are rough and I just need to remind myself that soon it will pass just like is has in the past. 

Victory!

Daddy agreed to put Pookie to bed and stick with it for 30 minutes.  Everything seemed to go well for quite a while then she got really fussy so I just went in.  Within 5 minutes of just lying next to her and holding her sippy cup she was asleep - with no nursing!  She didn't even ask.  I think maybe having Daddy do most of it helped get it out of her mind and she was just happy to see me.

I also didn't mention that last night after each time she woke to nurse (4 times I think), she rolled back down into her bed.  My theory is this will help her sleep better since I won't wake her when I roll over etc.  Plus I can more easily get out of bed in the middle of the night if needed.

Frustrated with Nursing to sleep

Last night went terribly.  I am thinking part of it is the hour drive home we had, which Pookie slept through.  That was 5:00-6:00pm.  Today I tried to do the same routine for naptime and it was all going so well... then she just WOULD NOT nap without nursing.  I spent an HOUR reading books, rocking her, singing etc.  For most part she was just whiny and fussy.  Finally she got crying really hard and I ended up nursing her.  She fell asleep within a couple minutes (pictured above).  She naps no problem for DH and my mom without nursing.  I just feel really discouraged and I am trying hard not to be angry with Pookie.  Rationally I know it is not her fault at all and I try to stay as loving and calm as possible, but inside I can feel my blood boiling with anger.  After today I just want to give up... It makes me sad because I know life will be so much easier when she goes to sleep without nurisng.  I am thinking about the future and another baby and I just want things to go as smooth as possible once I get pregnant and once a new baby arrives.

Tonight Daddy will try putting Pookie down.  He doesn't have much patience at all for this type of thing, so I am not very hopeful.... but I do think there is a chance she will go down fine for him since I won't be there. Cross your fingers for us!

Bedtime Nursing Update

Things are going well on the bedtime nursing front.  Pookie for the most part is going to bed without nursing.  A couple nights ago she had a melt down and nothing I did could calm her down, so I nursed her.  I was sure I had ruined the progress that we made but the next night she went down no problem.  Tonight she was fine too.  She does make me hold her sippy cup for her.  I am hoping she will take over that job eventually if she still needs it.  

I have been more aware of how often she is waking now that she is sleeping in the twin and Daddy and I are together in the queen.  She has to get up onto our mattress which is about an inch higher so that is making me more aware.  The good thing about the height difference is she often just rolls off our mattress back into hers, although sometimes she insists on staying with us, and this morning she snuggled up with Daddy... so cute.

Anyways she is waking 3 times a night, which isn't much compared to some but it is still 3 times!  I am thinking a lot about baby #2 these days and I am thinking about all the things we can do to make life easier whenever he/she arrives.  I am hoping once her next 2 molars come in she will cut the frequency of the waking.  She is sleeping more peacefully now she only has 2, versus 6 teeth coming in. 

Busy

I have been pretty busy this week, but things will calm way down next and I am hoping to stick to my goal of one blog post per day.  I am also commited to spending more quality play time with Pookie.  These past few weeks we have been so busy getting stuff done we haven't done as much playing as usual.

So bedtime is getting easier and easier.  It is now smoother than when I was nursing Pooks to sleep.  Now after she says night night to the "booba's" she fusses for a couple minutes max and has been falling asleep pretty quickly.  I am really relieved how well it is work.  I would really like for her to get out of the habit of waking on one hour after I put her down, so that is my next goal.  So far it is hit or miss with whether she will go back down without nursing.  I am just going to stick to it and see what happens.  It would be so wonderful to be able to put her to bed and be able to stay up and watch an entire movie without her waking.  Is that too much to ask?

Here is a little video of her doing a couple puzzles.  She can do the cone one with no mistakes, but of course she didn't when I caught her on camera. :P  I would really love to get her a Waldorf Nesting Puzzle.  I think she would really enjoy it.  Does anyone have one?

Update on stopping nursing to sleep

It has been about a week since I first decided to try to stop nursing Pooks to sleep.  I nurse her while we read books and make sure she has had her fill before we say good-night to the "booba's".

The last two nights have been great.  She actually falls asleep faster when she isn't nursing to sleep.  My theory was that the nursing was preventing her from falling asleep because for the past several months she has to stop nursing to fall asleep.  

She isn't happy about this but she isn't traumatized or throwing big fits.  Last night she didn't cry at all she did say "no no no" but that was it.  Tonight she was grouchy well before bedtime so she did cry a bit but quickly stopped and fell asleep.  I just tell her "put your head on the pillow" and that seems to do the job.

I am so pleased with our progress I have been plotting out a plan so that hopefully by the time we have another baby night time shouldn't be too big of an issue.  The next step in my plan is to stop nursing her if she wakes up when Daddy and I are still up.  It is SUCH a pain that she often wakes up within an hour of falling asleep, so I am hoping eliminating nursing there might encourage her to sleep for a few hours straight.   I have no intention of night weaning yet.  I am fine with that.

The final step will be to distance myself as she is falling asleep.  So when I tell her to put her head on the pillow first I will put space between us, then I will sit up a bit, then I will sit further and further away, until hopefully eventually, one day, I will be able to turn off the lights, give her a kiss goodnight and leave.  I am happy to let this happen at Pookie's own pace but I feel like if I don't take the initiative it will not happen for a LONG LONG time!

Trying to Stop Nursing to Sleep

I absolutely have no intentions of leading Pookie to wean, but what has been making me lose my mind is the ENDLESS nursing she does while trying to fall asleep.  She actually started rolling over to fall asleep several months ago.  It seems that she can't fall asleep with the breast in her mouth, but often she doesn't want to stop. 

Anyways I have really had enough.  I don't mind nursing her before bed but I really want her to start falling asleep on her own.  So my rather unthought out plan & definitely not researched plan is to explain to her that "Booba's go to sleep after books", and give it about 10 minutes (I can do anything but nurse her for those 10 mins).   If she is still upset after that and there is no hope of her falling asleep I will just nurse her.  So last night it didn't go so well... although during the process there were some hopefully moments but then she would set herself off.  Tonight... it was MAGIC!  When we said night night to the booba's she just said no a million times and basically fell asleep immediately.  Granted she must of been tired.  She was with her Grandmother today who said she had an early nap.

I am really hopeful this might work and might help make bedtime less stressful for me.  I have just been so unhappy lying there for so long nursing her.  

For her naps she basically just quickly nurses and passes right out.  I think this is because she has gotten used to napping without nursing through my mom and husband.

I am hoping tomorrow night goes OK.