Not So Spirited

Everly has always seemed a bit more alert, energetic and intense then most of the other kids we encounter. At the same time I usually have been able to keep her happy and cooperative while we are out. We have only had 1 bad tantrum (so far) while out in public and it was easily explained (she was tired and hungry).

I had read a lot about the book "Raising Your Spirited Child", on mothering.com and after 2 difficult weeks with Everly at home I went out and bought it. Of course the two days before I got it were good ones... and it seems her last tooth has come in and she is as sweet as can be.

Anyways after reading the first 2 chapters, I was pretty confident Everly is NOT spirited, so I don't think I will read the whole book. There is some great info in it though and I definitely read the chapter on tantrums which reinforced everything that I do. Basically it encouraged you to first of all try to avoid them by knowing your child's triggers. If one occurs you should stay with your child and do what you need to do to help them come out of it. For Everly that means just staying close by until she starts to wind down and then offering hugs and "boo boos". If I try to touch her or talk to her while she is in it, it makes things much worse. It felt good to have my approach reinforced.

The other chapter I enjoyed was on intensity and how to help lower it. Some of the suggestions were play-dough, which we play with often, sensory activities (like water, sand etc.), reading, back scratching etc. I found this all really useful because I do find that Everly is more balanced when we have enough down time each day. It is easy to forget about when you have a kid that is so energetic.

I would definitely recommend this book for anyone who thinks their child might be spirited (more intense, persistent, hard time adapting to change etc.)

More Books

I am getting a lot more reading done these days.  It is so nice to be able to get through a book in a decent amount of time.  Today I went to the library and got 4 books:

The Creative Family: How to Encourage Imagination & Nurture Family Connections

I Love Dirt (nature activities)

Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline (on the MDC GD booklist)

And a book on teaching preschool - I thought i might get some ideas from it.

I think I will start the the Creative Family book.  It looks really good.  I opened it up to a picture of a wooden kitchen all set up with places to hang dish towels, aprons.  It looked like what we are going for with Pookie's kitchen.  

I just finished Under Pressure by Carl Honore.  I just LOVED it.  Although I read a review claiming he was too extreme, I actually thought he wasn't as extreme as other books I have read.  It is the kind of book a more mainstream person could get through.  I feel like I got so much out of it.  I will definitely be reading his other books.  I also like that he is Canadian!

Unconditional Parenting by: Alfie Kohn

I have been reading this book and I am really enjoying it.  It was highly recommended over the mothering.com.  I also bought the DVD as I thought I could get DH to watch it.  It talks a lot about why punishments and rewards/ praise don't work.

In my years teaching ballet I have noticed more and more that giving kids praise or rewards only works in the short term.  If you want to get them to really commit and to work hard for the right reason's it has to come from within and not be externally motivated.  It has been interesting to read this different perspective and to find different ways to be a support loving parent, without constantly praising Pookie.  That said it is HARD not to say "good girl" "good job".  And sometimes it does feel right to give her a high five, but for the most part I try to use other alternatives such as describing.  For example when she uses the potty I usually just say "you went pee pee on the potty".  Lately I have been back sliding but I am trying to get back on track now that Pookie is able to understand most of what we say.