Adventures in Tandem Nursing

I am almost finished this book and I really enjoyed it.  I have had it since Everly has under a year, but now that we are in TTC mode I thought I would crack it open.  I really like that it is actually more about adjusting to a growing family and finding balance.  I would definitely recommend it for anyone who finds themselves pregnant and still breastfeeding, or for anyone who is planning to be in that position.

Part of me would really love to experience nursing two children at once and watching them bond that way.  The other part thinks it might be easier if Everly weans herself while I am pregnant.  I guess the good thing it whatever happens will have it's pros and cons, and either way I can be happy.  I do talk to Everly about how when there is a new baby she will have to share "boo boos" and now sometimes while she is nursing she points to the other one and says "that boo boo, baby" and nods her head in this really serious way.  A few months ago if I pretended to nurse a doll while she was nursing she would get quite angry and now she wants to share.

Reading this book has gotten me really excited about TTC... before I was much more reluctant.  I just hope it doesn't take too long.  With Everly it took 2 goes, so it is hard not to expect it to happen relatively quickly.  Also I got pregnant in August with her, so there is a part of me that thinks I will get pregnant again in August.  

The good thing is if I don't get pregnant it means I have more time to put into running and building up my weekly mileage.  So at least if I don't get pregnant there is always something to ease it.

Mixed Feelings

As the time to possibly start TTC gets closer I find I am less enthusiastic than I thought.  Last night I climbed into bed with Pookie and we were snuggling each other and I just felt so much love for her.  I was thinking how much I am enjoying being a mom to her and how nice our life is now.  Not that is wasn't nice when she was a little baby, but it is much more relaxed and free now.  

I keep thinking how another baby will disrupt this and I just can't imagine giving up any of "our" time.  At the same time I really do want a second child and I really want to be able to give her a little brother or sister.

I never thought I would feel this way.  I know it is normal... but I didn't think it would happen to me.   

Baby Making Plans

So I had a wonderful X-mas present.  On Dec 26, I finally got my first postpartum period!!  Everly was 19.5 months.  It felt so good to know we could start TTC.  I had thought we might start in Feb or March, after a month or two of really eating well and doing the very gentle detox my naturopath suggested.

Well a few days later my younger sister got engaged!  I am so happy for her, but they are planning to get married next January... in the Carribean.  So... I am putting TTC plans on hold.  From what I read it should be safe to travel as long as I am less than 36 weeks.  That means the earliest we can start trying in June.  It is a bit of a bummer, but it does give us more time to get Pookie ready... and hopefully nightweaned to some extent.

I was planning on temping right away to track my cycles, but with Pookies terrible sleep habits lately it just wasn't happening.  The good news is it was SO clear to me when I ovulated this month.  It was pretty amazing.  My nipples got really sore, and all the other signs were there.  

About 6 weeks before my period came I was starting to feel more moody.  I talked to the naturopath about it.  My intuition told me my cycles were going to start.  It feels good to know your body that well.

Another baby... when?

It seems like each week I flip flop about having another baby.  The one thing that makes this decision easy is that I still haven't gotten my first post-partum period... Pooks will be 20 months on Jan 9.  Anyways one day I feel so anxious because I want Pookie and her sibling to be close enough in age to play with... the next I am overwhelmed with how much Pookie is still a baby, and how she needs all my attention.  Then some days I feel relaxed and just figure it will happen when it happens.  I wish there was a right answer.